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Fall in love with the inner critic. November 15, 2009

Posted by Gaylena in Positive change.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The other day I got my time zones mixed up and missed a training call I wanted to listen in on, that was all right. Because I ended up listening to a different audio that I had but never had the time to listen to it, so since I had this free hour anyway I used it on that.

It was about money and your relationship with it, and how women see money different then men do, in terms of it being a relationship. If you have trouble getting or keeping money in your life it’s very likely because of a limiting belief to do with money.

Which means you need to create a better relationship with it and release the beliefs you have so they stop causing you trouble. There have been points in my life where I’ll want to reach for a goal bigger then normal and I would hear the inner critic sounding off.

I had to search out the source of that negative little voice in my head saying, You know you can’t do that. The trouble I found with it is that it was one of my loved ones sounding off in my head, meaning to keep me from hurt or failure.

That person would say you have all of these other steps to take first, and many of those would revolve around money. Like, “Yeah but you have to have money for that; to me it just sounded like the person didn’t believe in me and that’s what it can sound like.

Even though it wasn’t actually being said, as people we tend to take things differently then the way they were said. Since I didn’t feel supported I kept hearing critical words saying the opposite of what I needed to hear and really it would come from within.

The critical voice pops up whenever you go after something that is outside of your normal comfort zone. You can not move forward until you work to move beyond the inner critic, for me that had to be done in two ways.

I said the most powerful words anyone could say and I actually really let that person know deep down how I felt. I told them that I loved them and admired them and said why I loved and admired them and saw it transform the relationship.

It was like going from night to day in only a couple of minutes and it was because a couple of words. It also shows what kind of affect words can have when you’re sincere and the other person knows it, it changes things.

I might add that no one knows how much you care or what you think of them unless you actually tell them. Now it was after I told that person how I felt and saw how it changed the whole relationship in such positive ways.

That I realized that I could and needed to change the relationship chatter in my head around the goals and  limiting beliefs I had. So instead of hearing the critic every time I set those unbelievable goals. I would hear something encouraging instead of discouraging because I changed the inner relationship as well as the physical one.

That’s exactly what we all want to hear when we try after something and our belief in ourselves wavers just a little. You want to hear something that will walk forward with courage to meet that, so I’m going to give you a couple of examples of the critic here.

My goal at the time was to become a coach and a better writer and it took a lot of work and of course lots of study. However it took just as much mental work because I kept hearing the inner critic so much of the time saying that I couldn’t do it.

Or would be that other people are so much better then I am, just like other coaches have a fear of going for it. They end up thinking they need more training and keep putting off going out and actually coaching people.

So the mental talk I would hear was either from my loved one or even from myself, I had to actually figure out which one. I had to separate them and most of all I had to deal with them as if they were a scared child that I needed to take by the hand and say it’s going to be okay.

When you have this negative head talk with yourself you really have to counter it with positive encouraging talk. You need to realize when you are scared and that it’s okay to be scared, if you doing something your uncomfortable with or starting something new, it’s a bit scary.

When you set big goals you are usually stepping outside of a zone that is comfortable to you and it makes you a bit fearful. So you really need to build yourself up and especially so if you don’t have a mentor or someone there to help see you through it.

That’s what I did, I realized that if I could change the outer relationship just like that, I could do the same with my inner relationship. The thing is that most of the time the inner relationship that you have with yourself is what stops you from taking those big steps.

You have to support yourself in those situations and show that support in both small and big ways. Just do whatever it takes and give yourself the loving support and encouragement you need, tell yourself how amazing you and the things you’ve done and will do.

Just really allow yourself to fall in love with the inner critic in you and realize that it is just another part of you. It’s job is just to protect you and in the best way it knows how to do and that way is to sabotage you all in the name of what’s good for you.

Even though it hurts you more in the long run, it is the only way it knows how to look after you. So thank it for all it has done for you, good or bad, and go after those big goals even if you are scared, and this time make sure the critic is on your side.




1. AffirmingSpirit - November 18, 2009

Great post, Gaylena!

Since the first part of the post was about relationships with money, I’m wondering what positive and loving things you are saying to your money (the stuff that’s physically present AND the rest that is vibrational).

I love what Abraham-Hicks put in “The Vortex”: Money is as available as the air I breathe. In and out, it flows easily to me.

I’ve learned that *having* the money first is much less important than *having the feeling* what it affords. When I focus on how it feels to think about already having what I will use the money for, the money finds it’s way to me.

Many blessings,

Gaylena - November 22, 2009

That is a great question Nancy,

I feel it is a great and improved relationship! Like any relationship out there it is a work in progress and it is one that has to be worked at.

It is in no way less important then other relationship out there, in fact I believe that a lot of it has to do with how you see yourself. Also with how lovable you might or might not feel that you are, this is a subject that I fully intend to touch on very soon.

I like that, Neale Donald Walsch, said pretty much the same thing on Healing with the masters. http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/audio.htm

I completely agree with you, the feeling for me starts the whole thing and when I know what I want, it of course *shows up* when you have the feeling the rest will and does follow.

Thank you Nancy, for your wonderful insight, I am so grateful.
In Gratitude and blessed Abundance,


2. Jared James - November 18, 2009

Hello Gaylena. Great post. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with us.

I too have had a discussion with my ego and gave it love and appreciation for getting us this far. At the same time, I asked it the parts that are no longer serving my higher good to leave and go to the light.

The first time I did this, I felt literally felt my ego unraveling and ascending upwards into the light. For the rest of the day, I was in a connected state that felt very pleasurable. 🙂

The next day, I noticed my ego had come back. This was simply my opportunity to create a ritual out of this and since then, it has become a practice of mine to move from my head to my heart.

I have a feeling there is HUGE value in this and I’ll be sharing more as I practice more.

Again, thank you for sharing and I send you the highest vibrations of love and happiness as you thank your ego for doing its job.

Have a blessed day!


Jared James

P.S. You’re amazing! 🙂

Gaylena - November 23, 2009

Hi Jared,

I like how you put that, it is so important to thank your Ego and love and appreciation for all it has done for you. The Ego, just like everything else likes to be loved and appreciated and as I said to Nancy, it plays an important part in our lives and has its place too.

I would love to hear/read more about your experiences in being more connected and with your Ego. I too have experienced the state of being that you are referring to, though I have connected to this start of being through another way.

While I would prefer to align with Ego I realize that others would like to do it whatever way works best for them and that’s great! I feel that your way of doing this would be of great value to others.

Thank you for commenting and thank you for being wonderfully YOU.

Have an awesome week ahead! 🙂

Sending you vibrations of LoVe and Abundance,


3. Dominik Boecker - November 19, 2009

Such an inspirational post, it’s certainly given me a positive frame of mind and awareness to support and encourage myself better. Thank you. 😉

Gaylena - November 23, 2009

Thank you Dom, : )

I wish you the very best my friend.

Be well, LoVe and blessed Abundance,


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